My very accurate (Phone) interview process:

Also known as “Why I need to try CBT”

Stage 1 – see’s a job with an abundance of potential;

Stage 2 – spends at least 3 hours revamping CV and rewriting cover letter, attacking all appropriate key words in Job Specification. We are now the PERFECT candidate. Presses submit.

Stage 3 – Forgets what job we just applied for, and moves on with life…

Stage 4 – Possibly weeks have passed.  Receives a phone call / email asking if we’re available for interview. We accept…

Stage 5 – …PANIC RESEARCH. We know the company name, what was the job title? What were the hours? What was the wage? Where is the Spec.???

Stage 6 – Research is a success – we have a printout specification complete with annotated notes and “points of conversation.” We are now in love with this company and want this job very very much – Previous Us was a hero for finding and applying for this job. Yay us.

Stage 7 – We’re feeling calm, and awesome.

Stage 8 – It’s Interview day. We’re feeling slightly less calm. We spend the day at work flipping between current work load / revising job spec. / looking busy when supervisor walks past / researching company website / repeat.

Stage 9 – One hour to go: NOW we are panicking. We have little / no self-confidence left to offer. We focus on why we’re not suitable and what could possible go wrong.

Stage 10 – We mentally slap ourselves, and think “pull yourself together Woman!” – this is effective for approximately 2 minutes.

Stage 11 – As usual, we’re waiting for the phone-call way too early. They said 12:30. So we best be ready and waiting by 12:18. Staring at our phone.

Stage 12 – It’s 12:30. There’s no call. We’re currently sat in our car, in the work car park, looking like a tool. What if someone looks out of the window and wonders what we’re doing? What will we say?

Stage 13 – 12:31. What if they’ve rang already and our stupid phone is broken?

Stage 14 – It rings! We answer at the 2^nd ring (the perfect balance of keen but not desperate.) We start of on a high; and boss the “tell us about yourself” question.

Stage 15 – We can hear the tap tap tap of their keyboard on the other end of the phone – What are they writing? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it meh? Their voice is giving nothing away…

Stage 16 – The phone goes dead… Our phone has only just gone and hung up on our prospective future employer… ring them back quick!

Stage 17 – 3 minutes later, our phone mutes on it’s own accord. We are basically talking to ourself. Unmute. Grovel. Continue.

Stage 18 – We’re now so worked up over the state of our phone, it’s signal and apparent bipolar disorder, that we fumble over the final questions in a rush to get off the phone.

Stage 19 – “We have a few more interviews to go through; you will hear back in the next few weeks.” We say goodbye, and “thank you very very much” and hang up.

Stage 20 – All memories of what just happened evaporate. Did it go well? What did I say? What didn’t I say?

We exit the vehicle, and trudge back into the office, head down.

Stage 21 – We make ourselves a cup of tea, heat up our soup for lunch and write a blog about telephone interviews; before that idea evaporates too….